My Employer Needs Me

(suggested background music pairing:  Workin' Day And Night; Michael Jackson, 1978)

March 2, 2011

Dear Avid Reader,

I regret to announce that I have to take a short leave of absence. Unfortunately, once a month, my employer goes through a cycle of testing and reporting, and he requires my full attention. See, my employer is suffering. Things are not looking good right now; the counts are down, the experts have tried everything they know, to no avail.  So, over the next few days, my employer requires every fiber of my being be devoted to rescuing him. He’s old, he’s been around the block, but he can’t quite keep up.  He’s shrinking; just a shell of his former self. But he is so needy. I try to tell him that I have my own life I need to take care of, but he’ll hear none of that. It’s all about him. Sometime I’ll be able to walk away. Unfortunately, again, he provides for my well-being. He’s actually been stingy over the past couple of years, and yet he says he needs more.  I know he’s really doing OK and this is all just a guilt trip, and I’m working on finding a way to walk away.   

I hope to be back to posting soon, but at times like this, my employer needs me. I hope you understand!

Sincerely,

John

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Top 10 Pick-Up Lines of Accountants - © David Letterman

10. "You've got a lovely pair of W-2's."
9.  "Please, baby, let me withhold you."
8.  "Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift."
7.  "In my office, 'I.R.S.' stands for 'I'm really sexy.' "
6.  "If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?"
5.  "You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income...now let's do it."
4.  "Let's fill out a 1040 -- you're a 10, and I'm 40."
3.  "You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her."
2.  "Lady, you make my pants file for an extension."
1.  "Nice assets."