Accepting 2015

Here we are…the end of another year. 2014.  Ups, downs, lefts, rights. Sharp turns and u turns and detours and long tours. Sunny days and moonlight nights and blizzards and thunderstorms. There wasn’t enough time to do everything I wanted or needed yet I found myself wasting time at times.  And now, were at a milestone time…the end of a year. The 365^th and final day of 2014.

This is a time to pause and reflect and reset and renew and take inventory and set a direction. To gas up. Check the tires, the brakes, the fluids. Reset the GPS. Chart a new course if you want, or keep on moving down the same road.

We pause, but time doesn’t. It keeps moving, flowing, marching, passing by, driving. 

I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago. I actually don’t remember, but I think it was 16 years ago that I made my final resolution, which was to stop making resolutions.  My thought process was that “resolutions” should occur all year and be flexible and fluid and to put any significance on one day wasn’t necessary. Or something like that. 

 

Well, I’m going to break that resolution this year. I’m going to make a resolution...well, two. My first resolution is to be accepting. My second resolution is to make that my permanent resolution.

 

And yes, I’m leaving it open-ended, intentionally. I need to be accepting of my past, and my present. I need to be accepting of my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my uniqueness. I need to be accepting of the fact that many times, I don’t fit in. I’m different. I’m varied.   I need to accept that there is no one out there quite like me, and sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes that’s a tough thing…though there are a small few that are close. I have my great moments, and my not-so-great moments, and some bad moments. I need to accept all of that. I need to accept where I am in my journey, literally and figuratively. I need to accept that nothing is rock solid and I need to accept that sometimes I can do it all on my own, and sometimes I can’t. I need to accept that some people are wonderful and some people aren’t, and sometimes I can’t tell. I need to accept that there can be many perspectives and angles. I need to accept when I can have control, and take it, and when I don’t have control, and let it go. I need to accept that I haven’t listed all of the possible aspects of this concept of acceptance…but I will add that acceptance doesn’t exclude change. I need to accept change. I need to accept that sometimes I need to make changes. I need to accept that change is inevitable. I need to accept that change can’t occur unless acceptance has happened…….

A couple of weeks ago, I write a post of 100 or so statements about myself. I hadn’t planned to do that list; it just kind of happened. And I hadn’t planned on posting it to this blog, but I did. And I didn’t plan on it leading to this new resolution, until right now.  But with acceptance comes awareness, and with awareness, hopefully it leads to new avenues of acceptance…

…and so, with that, I’m off to continue into 2015, wherever the journey may take me. And for those of you who have been part of my journey, I thank you for accepting me and helping me be aware of what life has to offer.

A Self-Portrait In Writing, In About 100 (Or So) Statements

I feel connected to many things in many ways.

I love listening.

I love music; music speaks to my soul.

I love being in the woods.

I love being near water - still or moving.

I love being at the top of a hill or down in a valley.

I love being in the city.

I don't like being in a large crowd.

I am very empathetic.

I am very observant.

I can be very sensitive.  (Sometimes it takes work for me not to be.)

Sometimes dramas and sad stories really and overly affect me.

I love history.

I believe those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

There's a lot of repetition going on.

I love breaking things down.

I love building things back up.

I am not very coordinated and I have a clumsy streak.

I am very rhythmic (but again, not coordinated).

Sometimes I dance when no one is watching.

I have a great sense of direction.

I hate being or feeling lost.

I enjoy thinking.

Sometimes I can't stop thinking.
I didn't think too much about the order of this.
I like seeing people smile.
I love to laugh.  Heavily.

I hate to cry.
I have a cynical side.

I have an optimistic side.

I have a lazy side.

I have a sad, near hopeless side.

I don't feel very hopeful about society and where we're headed.

And yet, at times I still hold hope for the world.

I like giving affection.

I like getting affection.

I will always give even if more than I receive, though I notice when things are out-of-balance.

I think expletives are sometimes useful and sometimes necessary.

I do have a vulgar side.

I am very spiritual.  (I mean that differently from religious).

I believe that science and spirituality are woven together.

I believe that organized religion gets many, but not all, things wrong, but religion does get some things right.

I believe that haters are gonna hate.

I hate hate.

I enjoy writing.

I really enjoy photography.

I enjoy cleverness.

I enjoy hidden messages, hidden meanings, mysteries, different perspectives.

As much as children learn from adults, adults can really learn from children.

I've rarely felt a long-term sense of belonging.

I am very much an introvert, even though I am outgoing.

I am very self-protective.

I am very protective of those I feel close to.

I've rarely felt like I am good enough.

I feel like I am good at a lot of things, but not great at anything.

I don't feel like I am attractive, though I do feel like I can be handsome.

It is very hard for me to stand up for myself.

I fear being or feeling rejected.

I want to believe in myself.

I feel like it's hard for me to believe in myself without validation - though I know that i shouldn't need that.

I like numbers, and logic.

I don't see the glass as half empty or half full.  I see it as just half.

I believe that the more we quantify things (or digitize things), the more we lose quality.

I believe that the more connected we think we are electronically, the less connected we are personally.

I believe that nothing is every truly black or white…not even colors.

I don't enjoy extremes of anything.

I believe in separating fact from opinion.  (I feel that most things are opinion and not fact).

I feel like the truth, as with statistics, and beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

I believe the truth really does set you free.

I believe in fluidity.

I believe money can buy happiness…indirectly…to a point.

I believe we waste money…a lot of it, and often, and we're unaware of this.

I believe we are too judgmental, make too many assumptions, don't question enough.

I believe everyone is prejudiced…the questions are; to what level, and how do those prejudices translate into your actions?

I believe just about everyone deserves a second chance (though I do have exceptions).

I believe there are exceptions to every rule and circumstances to every exception.

I enjoy giving compliments.

I feel sad when compliments are downplayed or even rejected.

I find natural death to be a positive thing.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, though sometimes that reason may be very hard to decipher.

For every end there is a beginning, and for every beginning there is an end.

I can see the good in just about every situation.

You can’t have the day without the night.

You can't have the sun without the rain.
I love a heavy downpour, especially with thunder and lightning.

I love the silence after a heavy snowfall.

There will never be too many rainbows.

There will never be too many sunsets.

I love the full moon.

I love fog.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

A tree is only as good as it's roots.

Sometimes I'm a chameleon.

Sometimes I'm an enigma.

Sometimes it is what it is.

Sometimes I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

I believe perfection is impossible, though as-close-as-possible should be strived for.

You can never get time back.

You never know how much time you have.

I hate wasted time.

Time never stops.

There is never enough time.