Groundhog Day Predictions Updated

(pic from Wikipedia.com)

The legend of Groundhog Day, of course, stars Punxsutawney Phil and his annual prediction:

- If he sees his shadow, then Spring is right around the corner
- If he does not see his shadow, then there will be six more weeks of winter.

Of course, this winter really hasn't been a winter, so "they" announced a new prediction:

- If he coughs up a furball, then the real winter will begin.

But why stop there?  We've severly underestimated Phil:

Gus (pic from Wikipedia.com)

- If he comes out holding Pennsylvania Lottery tickets, then that's not Phil.  That's Gus, the "Second Most Famous Groundhog in Pennsylvania".  (I can't make this stuff up:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gus_the_groundhog)

- If he comes out and and runs away, then the Mayan-Calendar-Ends-In-2012-So-The-World-Is-Ending prediction must be true, and we all need to run and save ourselves.

- If he's carrying a suspicious package, we need to call Homeland Security IMMEDIATELY!  We must remain ever vigilant.

- If he comes out and busts a couple of dance moves, then you've just been served.

- If he comes out wearing a single silver glove and does the moonwalk, then reincarnation is true.  And he is now Michael Jackson, reincarnated.
 
- If he comes out with "Hail To The Chief" music playing in the background, then he is officially throwing his hat into the ring to run for President in 2012.  (And really, would he be any worse than ANY of the candidates out there now?)
 
- If Ryan Seacrest appears, then Phil is ready to audition for American Idol. 
 
- If the rumor is true that Phil may be taking performance-enhancing drugs, he won't comment.  Instead, his lawyer will come out - a groundhog in a rumpled suit and tie.

ROKER!

 
- If Al Roker appears, then the fight of the century is ON!  Roker vs Phil, for weather forecasting supremacy!  (Look out, Jim Cantore is lurking behind the scenes.)

- If he comes out packin' heat, then duck, fool!

- If he comes out and starts talking, then maybe you've had too much to drink.

HURRICANE!

- Not to be outdone, in Philly, Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz doesn't wear his bowtie for the first time in 35 years, announcing that whatever Phil says, the opposite is true.
 
- If Mrs. Groundhog comes out, then Phil must have been out late and is still sleeping on the couch.
 
- If Mrs. Groundhog comes out, hair in rollers, wearing a house coat and slippers, then Phil must have been out late and still hasn't come home yet.  And man is he in trouble.