Dreams and Puzzles

(suggested music pairing:  The Dream - David Sanborn)

I have a close personal friend who is a very talented writer…at least in my opinion. She has written poetry, at least one short story and I believe the start of a novel, along with other written works that would probably fall into the category by default – creative, metaphorical, free form and free flow. She is creative, witty, sharp, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. And on the surface, she is well liked and would fall into most-people’s definition of successful:  steady job, good marriage, loving parents, mid-level management in a large stable company in the financial sector, gets out, huge sports fan and goes to several sporting events each year.

And yet, she is sad - at least that’s probably the closest applicable emotion to use. Empty. Unfulfilled. Lost. The issue is this sentence from above:  “she is well liked and would fall into most-people’s definition of successful…” Because it’s not her definition of success. Her definition of success, in my words from the many written conversations we’ve had, is to have her creatively-written expressions have an impact on the world. To be published, recognized, critically acclaimed – and maybe not in those specific concrete terms, but definitely along the looser generic abstract terms.  

She has always known that she wanted to write. She recognized early that she had a talent for writing that she wanted to develop. And growing up in the town we grew up in, in the generation we grew up in, we were always told to follow our dreams, reach for the stars, and embrace your talents. UNTIL…

…the prospect of going to college entered the conversation. First was the decision of whether to go or not to go. College is definitely not for everyone, though there seems to be a classist differentiation of kids on whether they are “college material” or not – but that’s not necessarily the point I’m going after this time. For me and this particular friend of mine, we both were definitely headed down the college road. Once that decision is made, the biggest decision of all is this:  what does one major in? My friend chose to major in creative writing. She chose to major in her passion. I chose to major in Accounting. I am NOT passionate about Accounting. I chose it as a conscious decision to value potential future stability over passion. At the age of 17.

 

I think that is a very, very understated decision. There are some major forks in everyone’s path that are the choice between East and West, between uphill and downhill. And there are many factors involved. And unfortunately, when one’s passion doesn’t fall into the typical financially-stable choices (computers, finance, medical fields), but instead falls into the opposite (the arts, teaching), to choose that path anyway is a very brave but very sacrificial decision. At the age of 17.  

…because to live and exist in society, there is a minimum price we all have to pay to exist. We all need a place to live, food to eat, and access to travel, all of which costs either money or the generosity of family and friends or even strangers.  My sister is someone who made that choice to follow her passion, and went to college and majored in Communications, with a concentration in Theater. Her first job out of college was as a radio DJ in the small town of Chambersburg, PA, where she lived in low income housing as she made close to minimum wage. (Another rant I won’t go…Chambersburg doesn’t have any ghettos or bad neighborhoods, so her low-income housing was not what one would typically picture, it was a safe apartment complex on the outskirts of town.)  But, after a while, my sister felt that she wasn’t getting any closer to her goal of acting, so with the generosity of my parents, they let her live at home for several years to she could save up enough money to move to either New York City or Los Angeles. She spent time at a local theater, but she was forced to get a regular job like the rest of us to be able to save that money to take the next step. She eventually chose Los Angeles and moved out there several years ago, and even there, she still isn’t at the point where her passion is self-supportive; she’s a Tax Accountant by day and a partner in a theater group by night and weekend. She lives in a studio apartment and drives a Honda that is probably close to ten years old. And I look at her with admiration for the hard, hard work it takes to try to balance need versus want…the need to provide for yourself vs. doing what you want, when that doesn’t put a dent in providing for yourself.

So, back to my close friend -   she ended up down a different road; a road that ended up with more pressure on the need to provide for yourself, and unfortunately took away from having the time, energy, and inspiration to do what she wants…to write. Because in the end, life today is really managing that balance between doing the things that need to be done and doing the things you want to do. Focus too much on the need, and you start to lose yourself in the process. Focus too much on the want, and the needs come back with a vengeance.  We’ve all seen or heard of people getting burned out from dealing with too much stress, and we’ve all seen or heard of people who find themselves under water because they didn’t take care of those necessary things. 

 

And for those who are lucky enough that their passion falls into an area that provides, be thankful for your luck! For those who are fortunate enough that their passion was propelled by the generosity of someone, be thankful for your fortune. For those who have been able to find that balance, walk that tightrope, whether that is luck, fortune, or work (and probably some combination of all three), be thankful and be proud! 

For those who haven’t found their balance, either direction’ you have my sympathy and I hope that you never let go of your dreams, even when they seem out of reach. I think the message we received at 17 was only part of the story.  Yes - follow our dreams, reach for the stars, and embrace your talents. Some of us may get there quickly, some of us may take much longer; the number of factors and choices and paths and directions are too many to count and no one follows the exact same path…but life is about our dreams.  Our purpose in life is our individual passions, they serve a purpose and we each are just one piece of a giant puzzle, uniquely shaped to fit in a single distinct place. The more we try to bend ourselves, the more out of place we are.  And like a puzzle, some pieces fit in early, others fit in later, but all of them fit in at some point.  Without your talent, the world will miss that unique item called you that is needed to keep revolving around that star called the sun…