I’ve driven in New York City – specifically Manhattan – four
times, all between 1996 and 2006, all as a tourist. It is, by far, an
experience all to itself. It’s not for the faint at heart; to me driving in NYC
is about 95% immediate instinct and 5% luck – or maybe vice versa. With all of
the traffic - cars, buses, taxis, people, and bikes – hundreds and seemingly
thousands of them, all trying to get somewhere as fast as possible and even
sooner, impatiently, it’s a ton of input to take in, in the various split
seconds you need to make a decisions. Where do I need to turn? Three blocks
ahead, I mean two? I can’t turn left here? Now what? Three rights? I can see
the building I want to get to but I’ve been in this car for 45 minutes now,
going the wrong way and then the right way, closer and then not closer, and
then…
…GRIDLOCK. The worst experience in my opinion, if you take
out accidents (which I did not have any) and near misses (which I’ve had a
few), is gridlock. When you’re sitting in your car, totally surrounded by all
of the above, and nothing is moving. Nothing. Stopped. Standing still. Not even
a hint at movement. And there’s nothing that can be done except to wait. And
wait. And wait for something to happen, something to free up somewhere so
traffic can start flowing again, so I can get to where I want to go.
WELL…that’s where my blog has been. Mental gridlock. There
are several places I want to go. I’ve started down a couple of streets already.
But…I’m stuck. Trapped. Surrounded by hundreds of competing thoughts all trying
to get to where they want to go first. For all of my road rage tendencies, one
area where I don’t suffer from road rage is being stuck in traffic. It’s
inevitable. It is what it is. (You may have seen me write this before.) So no,
I don’t have blog rage either. (Although, I’d hate to see what would happen if
I did suffer from blog rage.) But I haven’t gotten out of the car yet. I have
no plans to abandon it in the middle of the street, to walk aimlessly towards
my next stop.
I’m just sitting in my car. My mental car. Blaring music. Probably
making a fool of myself singing along, loudly, way off-key, doing some steering
wheel drumming and playing air guitar in the driver’s seat. Waiting for something
to happen, something to free up somewhere so traffic can start flowing again,
so I can get to where I want to go. Waiting…
Waiting…

My advice to you is just write whatever crosses your mind. Keep a small notebook or if you prefer a tape recorder with you and take note of any ideas or thoughts you have during the day. You don't have to post them if you don't want to. Maybe start writing something and let it sit and boil for some time before coming back it. I don't know just a thought. Having said that I think I know what you are going through or at least something similiar to it.
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