Exit 40

40.  A nice, round, even number, and in terms of an age, it’s one of the “big moments in life.”  To some, it’s an imposing number. I tried to joke my way through it at times with my “it’s just a number between 39 and 41” comment. Matter-of-factly. “Move along, nothing to see here.” 

OK, not so much.

In the end, it is a big milestone. Society has deemed it so, and there are enough questions and comments that come along with turning 40 that, at least for me, I had to devote some thought to it. What does this mean? Where am I?

Where am I? 

On this path called life, where am I?  

First, the question I refuse to answer is, where am I compared to (someone else’s) definition of where I should be at 40? The only exception to that are the people who I seek out to hear their point of view. People who I trust, who I believe will give a thoughtful answer, who know me and I know care. 

The questions that I DID think about are:  where have I come from, and where am I headed? Am I at a crossroads, or just a rest area to continue westbound? Have I left anything behind? Do I need anything going forward? Am I lost? Is my GPS functioning?  Am I where I’m supposed to be?

Am I? Am I where I’m supposed to be (figuratively)?

OK, maybe that really is THE question. If I am where I’m supposed to be, then how do I stay here? How long do I maintain it?  If I am not where I’m supposed to be, how do I get there? Which way do I turn?  

I’ve typed “I” a lot. And there’s a point to be made there. All of these questions, I’ve asked myself, of myself. The answers to these questions have to come from me, and have to resonate within me. And as life rolls on and time moves forward, and 40 becomes my 40s, all of my questions and my use of “I” lead not to answers, but to a bigger question:

Am I being true to myself?

We all bring something unique to the worlds we’re in, and we all have trials and tribulations, successes and mistakes, detours and straightaways, ups and downs, clear sailing and fog, but in the end, we cannot lose ourselves.  

40 – A celebration by me, of me, for me. For all the good that I’ve done and all of the bad I’ve survived; for all the good I have left to do and all of the bad that I’ll have to navigate through.

And my wish for all, no matter where you are in life, no matter how old or young, is this:  that we all value ourselves, so that we remain true to ourselves and achieve the purpose we each bring to the world we’re all a part of.

Onward I go…