Lessons From Sixth Grade

I have a friend who has a son in sixth grade – first year of middle school. He has been struggling in school; struggling with grades, struggling with homework, struggling with feeling confident about school. As I was listening to my friend tell me about the things that are going on, it made me think about my experiences in sixth grade, and there were a lot of similarities…which triggered some thoughts. I decided to pose the question to my Facebook community, which includes parents, teachers, and counselors, just asking for general advice or quick stories. The responses I received were all very similar and seemed to revolve around a few basic themes…which triggered some more thoughts…and is now triggering this post.

Now, in writing this, as I do with most of my posts, I tend to not do a lot of research, or documentation, or citation. I try to come from a place of opinion and observation, qualitatively. Something will come up in a conversation, or from the media, and I get a little nudge in my brain that triggers a thought which becomes a string of thoughts that seems like it might be helpful to share.  And so, with that said:  in my opinion...

It seems like sixth grade is generally a tough time. Going to a new school, with a new class structure (periods and different classrooms and lockers and multiple teachers) is a definite change. The homework seems to get tougher, the lessons get faster, the pressure gets ratcheted up a notch. And on top of that, hormones start to kick in, and the body starts to change. Society isn’t slowing down at all- quite the opposite: everything gets thrown out there quickly and even faster than that; messages and opinions and judgments and here’s what you should do and here’s what you shouldn’t do and think this way and like this and don’t like that and that’s dumb and listen to me and be here at this time and you can’t go there and blink blink flash beep who’s doing what? where? why? how? …blllluuuurrrrrrr…

Change can be overwhelming…it’s all so new and uncertain…and fearful. And with all of that, it’s easy for fear replace confidence.

I’m going to isolate three quotes from the responses that I received.

"Bottom line for this age group is Build. Build them up. Teach them to build others up. Teach the value of forgiveness. Most of all, teach how to determine your own self-worth."

"…my advice is to be there. When he is ready to ask for help you will be there. Listen. Let him make the decisions right or wrong. Now is the time they learn."

"…let THEM talk. Let them know that you are there for them but that you also trust them to handle their responsibilities on their own."

I agree with all of the above. 

You know what? I don’t think this applies to just sixth graders…I think this is something that we all need to be reminded up when dealing with others, whether it’s our kids or our peers, or even dealing with our own struggles. As humans, we want to talk, we want to be heard, and we don’t want to go through things alone. We want to be built up, and we feel good if we build others up. We make mistakes, we struggle, we try, and we just want to be OK.  Life is easy when we’re in a comfortable routine, but when something comes up and breaks that routine, and forces us into something different, or uncertain, it’s easy for fear replace confidence.

Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to talk. Or listen.  Build others up. Teach the value of forgiveness. Determine your own self-worth. Build yourself up. Ask others to build you up. No one has to go through anything alone. We’re all a collective community whose roads intersect and we all can get lost sometimes…it’s OK to ask for directions.